Fool On The Radio
by narwhalpuppy
Summary: A brief fanfiction where Peter Griffin loses a radio contest courtesy of Weenie and The Butt.


Family Guy Presents

A Narwhal Puppy Production

Fool On The Radio

Brian Griffin walks into the family room. He sees something that Lois is doing he's never seen her do. Listen to the radio. Lois was listening for waiting for a radio contest that Weenie and the Butt was giving away a $50,000 cash prize. The plan was that Weenie and the Butt was going to call a phone number and ask whoever answers 2 questions within a 30 second time limit.

"Hey, Brian!" Lois ushers in Brian's presence. "It's 97.1!"

"You still listen to the radio? When everyone else listens to iHeartRadio?" asks Brian.

"I'm waiting for Weenie and the Butt to come on. They're going to have a contest where they call a random number and ask questions! Hopefully it will be our number so we can win $50,000!"

Brian was dumbfounded as he recalled that time he had that radio show "The Lunch Hour" that was ruined by the likes of Weenie and the Butt and to a lesser extent Stewie when his then show became, "Dingo And The Baby". As if he needed to be admonished about that horrible memory.

Lois looks at Brian and can tell he's not that keyed up about the radio contest. "Brian, you're walking away. Why not stay around for a while. You're the smart one. Maybe YOU can help us answer some questions."

Brian tells Lois, "Now that you mentioned it. If it's a contest by Weenie and the Butt, I never want to hear anything about those shit faces ever again."

Trying to get Brian to come back, Lois said, "I promise I won't let Peter have any of the money if we win! We'll give it to charity or a saving account...ahhh. The hell with him anyway!"

The radio contest was beginning as Lois was rallied as he heard the theme song.

"Oooohh! It's starting! It's starting!"

"Hi, Weenie and the Butt here! Live from our studio! All ready for the 2 Questions in 30 seconds contest!"

"I don't know Butt, I don't think anyone can answer 2 questions in 30 seconds because they're slower than Derek Zoolander!"

Weenie presses a button that played a recording of Derek Zoolander saying, "This building has to be at least...three times bigger than this!"

The Butt pushed more buttons that played sound effects from antique cars and bells ringing in the distance.

"Anyone we call and whoever can answer our two trivia questions wins a cash prize total of $50,000!"

"Call us! Let it be our number! I don't want to have to beg my parents for money! PLEASE!" Lois begged wringing her hands.

Peter Griffin bursts into the front door. He had a tattoo on his chest that read, "No Regerts." And some of gang symbols that the Crips and the Bloods wore as a badge of honor.

"Hey, Lois! I'm back from the Tattoo Parlor! What do you think of my cool new tats!"

"Not now Peter!"

Peter was wretched, "Awww, but I wanted to look like Scotty P from We're the Millers! Wish you can see my tattoos! 'Know what I'm sayin'!"

"Shush it, Peter!"

"I even have some of gang symbols that black people use!"

"Later!" Lois growls in Peter's face.

Weenie and the Butt play their usual sound effects, "We have a butt. We-we have a butt!"

"Answer Two Trivia Questions!"

"In 30 Seconds!"

"97.1 FM!"

"Radio Contests with Weenie and the Butt!"

"WQHG! 97.1! 97.1! 97.1! Wah-wah-wah-weenie and The Butt! In The Morning."

"Turn on this station and tear off the nob!"

"All right, we're back! Let's call a random number!"

"Calling a random number!"

"Someone lucky will win a prize!"

"97.1 FM!"

"E.T. Phone Home!" "Who ya gonna call! Ghostbusters!"

"WQHG! In the afternoon!"

Weenie dials a number and it was the Griffin's phone that was ringing.

Lois hears it and tries to go and grab it. "That's our phone! That's our phone!" However, Peter gets to it before Lois does.

"Peter! You don't know what you're doing! Give it back!"

Lois gives in and lets Peter be silly. A part of her hoped he wouldn't mess up. Realistically, she knew he will.

"Uh, hello? Who am I speaking to? Housekeeping? Butt scratchers?"

"You're close! Getting warmer! Just kidding! You're on Weenie and the Butt! Please do! Tell us your name!"

"Peter Griffin!"

"Oh yes! Peter Griffin!" The Butt said. "Would you care to answer two questions in 30 seconds for a cash prize?"

"Cash Prize you say? How much are we talking about here?" Peter asked inquistively.

Lois groans, "I was going to do this! Not him! Wanted to win some money and put it in savings for the family. Guess that was asking too much."

Weenie responds, "$50,000!"

Peter gets giddy with glee, "$50,000? Bring it On! But don't bring me that horse's ass Kirsten Dunst!"

"We won't! We can promise you that! Now let's put :30 seconds on the clock please!"

A ding sound is heard. As the Butt turned the knob that set the clock.

"And we have lift off! Answer number one, Peter Griffin the pressure is on you!"

"Go on!". Proceeds Peter Griffin .

Weenie starts off, "First question. What year did the first Billy Jack movie The Born Losers released."

Butt continues with the next question, "Second question. What 1990s Seattle band sang 'Heaven Beside You?" .

Confused as he's ever been Peter struggled to come up with the answers. Lois mouths words to him. Believing Peter is good at reading lips "1967 and Alice in Chains."

"Wha...". Peter said in utter awkwardness and disorientation.

"25 more seconds to go..."

"Gotta hurry your ass up there, Peter Griffin!"

Lois whispered, "Never mind. Useless. You figure it out!"

Peter came up with the answers albeit not the right ones.

" I got it! The Born Losers came out in 1977! And Heaven Beside You was sang by Urge Overkill! ". Peter responds jubiliantly.

A game show buzzer was heard. Then a foghorn. "Sorry! Wrong Answers! No $50,000 in cash for you!". Weenie replied.

Peter sobbed, "I knew those were right! How can I be wrong?!"

The Butt says, "Since he lost. He's deserves a butt slam!".

"BUTT SLAM!"

"BUTT SLAM!"

Lois turns off the radio in a disconsolate way. Peter hangs up the phone in tremendous fear. Then anger begins to devour her. No longer was Weenie and the Butt's constant banter going to be heard.

"Suh-suh-suh-sorry Lois! I thought I had this one in the bag!" Peter shrugs.

"I mouthed the answers to you. Can't you read lips?" Lois shouts.

"Never thought about reading lips!" Peter struggling to explain himself to Lois.

Beating on her husband, Lois punches, kicks, scratches, and hits all over Peter's body like hell won't have it!

"You moron! You bastard! You just cost us $50,000!" screamed Lois.

Peter yells out, "Urge Overkill really did sing Heaven Beside You! Gotta Believe me Lois! I know these things!"

"You know nothing! Know nothing about anything anymore!" Lois continues to beat up Peter. "Lay still while I tear out your brain!"

"Not the tattoos Lois! Not the tattoos! Ouch that hurts so much!" Peter protests. As he never had seen Lois so mad at him like this before.

Managing to get away from Lois, Peter runs out the door. "Billy Jack! I sure could use you right now!" Lois goes into the kitchen and grabs a rolling pin. "This should do the trick!"

Lois runs after Peter who chases him down Spooner Street.

"Get back here! You're grounded! Take your punishment like a man!" Lois screeches. "When I catch up, you're dead!"

"You're overreacting Lois! You can't spell overact without...uh forget it! I don't know what's worse! Being beaten by Ernie and Chicken or a psychotic Lois!" Peter calls to Lois then chokes up.

Brian looks out the door. "Why do I ever put up with all this shit that goes on in the Griffin house? *sighs* At times like this. I wish my wife Jess never died."

The End

The Proceeding Has Been a Narwhal Puppy Production!


End file.
